Light Years
by idontlikegravy
Summary: The TARDIS is having one of her funny days, sending the Doctor 3 million light years from Earth and interrupting poker night.
1. Chapter 1

This is set during Red Dwarf V so spoilers appropriate up to that point, and with the 10th Doctor just before the current series, so post Rose but pre-Martha, hence why he's alone. I just felt that a woman on board the Dwarf would be too much for Cat to cope with.

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no claim over either the Doctor or Red Dwarf, they belong to Aunty Beeb and Grant Naylor and whoever else actually owns them. If they were mine, then I'd be finding out exactly what Lister can do with Alphabetti Spaghetti in a sandwich with the Doctor. But they aren't, so I continue to dream and knock out crackfic like this:

Red Dwarf/Doctor Who cross

The TARDIS came to a sudden stop, sending the Doctor crashing into a wall. He regained his feet, followed by his composure, and bounded over to the central console. He examined a monitor and grew puzzled. "Well now, that can't be right." He twiddled a few dials and pulled a few levers before hitting the side of the monitor. "Where have you brought me old girl? What are you up to?" He walked to the door and poked his head out, and was briefly surprised to find himself in a corridor painted a depressing shade of grey.

"Intruder alert. Intruder alert." Lister and Rimmer were sat playing cards, with Kryten acting as Rimmer's hands. They completely ignored Holly and continued with their game. "Oi! Doesn't anybody care that there's an intruder on board?"

"Of course there is Holly." Lister replied, not even looking up from his cards.

"Just like the last time. What was it then?" Rimmer sniped as he indicated to Kryten which card to lay down.

"My socks."

"That's right! Lister's socks. And the time before that?"

"The Cat's smegging bowl of krispies."

"Well, you can't blame me for that, they weren't there ten minutes before." Holly opined.

"No, because I'd just poured them for him."

"Yes well, this time it's a real intruder. I'm not sure exactly what it is cos my screens aren't working properly, but there is something there that shouldn't be there and it's alive."

"Aliens!"

"Oh smeg, not aliens _again _Rimmer. There is no such thing."

"Mock me all you like Listy, one day you'll be eating those words."

"If I might suggest sirs, we ought to check it anyway. Holly might be right this time." Kryten suggested. Holly nodded enthusiastically in agreement, her blonde hair rocking comically before Kryten continued, "There's an old binary saying that is appropriate here, zero one zero one, one, one…"

"Okay Kryters, I'll grab Cat and we'll check it out. Smegging hell, I had a full house an' all."

"I thought we were playing rummy?" Rimmer said as he and Lister both left the room, leaving Kryten, who was still jabbering away in binary.

"….which roughly translated means…oh! Sirs! Wait up!"

"It's a big blue box with police written on the top." Kryten observed.

"Maybe it's the air pollution police come to arrest Listy for his crimes against humanity. I knew those curries would catch you up eventually." Rimmer sneered. Lister simply contorted his face into a sarcastic smile before beginning to examine the box.

"Maybe it's the fashion police come to arrest Rimmer for his crimes against humanity." Cat quipped, his mind as ever on one thing.

"It seems to just be a wooden box. Hol, are you sure this is alive?" Lister called out to the computer as he stretched out a hand.

"Don't touch it!" Rimmer shouted, making Lister jump about three feet in the air. "What if it is alive? Remember the polymorph?"

"Scans confirm Dave, that box is alive." Holly's voice said from a tannoy. At that moment, the door opened, causing the four to take a step backwards, and for those who could touch to raise their bazookoids.

A head belonging to a reasonably attractive young man poked out, followed closely by the rest of his body. He seemed like a perfectly ordinary, if somewhat dishevelled, human being. Rimmer looked crestfallen at the stranger's appearance. The others all lowered their weapons, although they remained cautious. They weren't exactly aching to be fooled by another polymorph. The man was dressed in a crumpled brown pinstripe suit and a long overcoat in a lighter shade of brown, which he had matched with a pair of tennis shoes. The Cat's nose wrinkled at the incongruous outfit, but at something else too.

"He don't smell right." Cat said, raising his bazookoid again. Kryten scanned the stranger with the Medi-scan.

"Mr. Cat is right sirs. This person has two heartbeats. He isn't human." Kryten said in full awe-mode. Rimmer triumphantly punched the air.

"An alien!" Rimmer exclaimed, a broad smug smile breaking out on his face. The stranger grinned back at him with equal excitement.

"That's right. I'm the Doctor, pleased to meet you…?"

Rimmer snapped to attention and gave the Doctor his Full Double Rimmer Salute, both hands rotating seven times before snapping smartly to the side of his head. The Doctor stifled a laugh, but it was difficult when he saw that the others were all smirking at the strange display.

"First Technician Arnold J Rimmer, acting Captain of the Jupiter Mining Corporation vessel Red Dwarf. On behalf of Earth I offer our most humble peaceful greetings and I hope that our two species can begin a mutually beneficial relationship that will be mutually…beneficial…to both of us."

"Rimmer, stop before you do yourself an injury." Lister chipped in before Rimmer could start the 127 stanzas of the Space Corps anthem. "Hi, I'm Dave Lister, this is Kryten, and the Cat."

"Hmm, Felix Sapiens if I'm not mistaken." The Doctor said, "Haven't seen one of you for a while. And an old series 4000 mechanoid, wow! So you're from Earth? You're a long way from home, how did you get here?"

"That, Doctor, is a very long story."

Any and all comments gratefully received. What do you think? Is there potential for a series here? Are there enough Dwarfers out there looking for a Doctor Who crossover? Enquiring minds want to know.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no claim over either the Doctor or Red Dwarf, they belong to Aunty Beeb and Grant Naylor and whoever else actually owns them. I just continue to fiddle with them, but I'll give them back good as new when I'm done. This is done purely for love and fun.

Light Years Part II

The Doctor grinned amicably as Kryten set the steaming mug in front of him. "Ah, tea. There's nothing in the universe like a good cup of tea." He lifted the mug and took a large mouthful, letting it linger in his mouth before swallowing. He waited another moment before pulling a face and saying, "And that's nothing like a good cup of tea."

"Sorry sir. The tea is three million years past its use-by date and we've run out of cow's milk."

"Really?" The Doctor questioned taking another exploratory sip, "What kind of milk is it then?"

"Trust me, you don't wanna know." Lister interrupted before Kryten could answer. "So Doctor, how exactly did you end up in our corridor? Not that we're not glad of the company like, but it's not everyday a blue phonebox materialises on deck fourteen."

"Ah, sorry about that. My ship has a mind of its own." The Doctor replied.

"AI gone a bit senile has it?" Rimmer enquired and the other three crew grinned at a shared joke that the Doctor didn't understand, so he just grinned anyway.

"Not exactly. So, three million light years into deep space, hey? How…" The rest of his question was cut off by a violent judder that sent the four solid beings in the room hurtling across it. Rimmer watched with a mix of amusement and concern before turning to one of Holly's monitors.

"Holly!" he called. The blonde computer's face appeared on the monitor even more confused than usual. "What was that?" Rimmer enquired in an even but slightly patronising tone.

"What was what?" Holly replied.

"What was that jolt? You senile old Spectrum."

"There's no need for abuse like that. What jolt? My scanners aren't indicating anything."

"So what you're saying Hol, is that none of your scanners are working?" Lister asked as he staggered to his feet.

"Correct." Holly answered.

"Inside or outside the ship?" Kryten asked.

"Correct." Holly replied.

"So in fact we're flying completely smegging blind?" Rimmer asked.

"Correct." Holly answered.

"So we could have just crashed into an asteroid and you wouldn't know it?" Lister asked.

"Correct." Holly replied.

"Or crashed into a planet?" Rimmer asked.

"Oh no. We couldn't have crashed into a planet."

"Why not?" asked Rimmer.

"We'd be dead." Holly replied. Rimmer rolled his eyes.

"Just once, couldn't you behave like the computer with an IQ of 6000 that you're supposed to be? Just once. Maybe not embarrass me in front of the alien?" He turned to the Doctor and gave him his most ingratiating smile, clasping his hands together and bowing slightly.

"Without the scanners operating sirs, there's no way of knowing what the ship just struck, or how much damage the impact had. We will have to manually examine the ship, all three miles and 127(?) decks." Kryten offered, ever the pragmatist.

"But that would take months!" Rimmer opined.

"Seven months, two weeks, four days, twenty hours, forty seven minutes and eighteen seconds by my calculations sir."

"Right then" The Doctor exclaimed, pulling out his sonic screwdriver, "We'd better get those scanners fixed then."

Lister escorted the Doctor to the main computer banks to begin repairing Holly while the others began, after much protesting from Rimmer and Cat, to search the ship for damage, starting with critical systems.

"I am missing some serious nap time." Cat whined as he sloped off down the corridor.

Lister and the Doctor were riding in the lift to get to the bottom of the ship where Holly's main circuitry resided. Fortunately they didn't have to sit through the in-car safety video because Cat had shot the screen with a bazookoid after the fiftieth time of watching.

"This is a really big ship. Must get lonely sometimes." The Doctor commented.

"Sometimes. The others don't really get why I want to go home. Cat and Kryters are great, but they've never seen Earth and Rimmer…well Rimmer's Rimmer. I like to go to the empty parts of the ship sometimes. Just to get away from them for a while. It gets a bit too much some days. Knowing that I'm the last human, you know?" Lister's question had been rhetorical, but to his surprise the Doctor answered,

"Yeah, I know." The Doctor looked immensely sad as he said this and Lister looked at him curiously. "I'm the last one left of my people too."

"Smeg, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"No, that's okay. I never thought I'd find someone who'd understand." He smiled to himself, "So that's what the old girl was up to." He chuckled.

"Sorry?" Lister asked.

"Nothing." The Doctor replied, visibly brightening, "Just musing on life's little coincidences." He chuckled again. The lift came to a stop and the doors opened onto a room in complete chaos. Wires were hanging loose from the ceiling and open wall panels and circuitry buzzed and sparked.

"What the smegging 'ell is going on here?" Lister demanded. The Doctor pointed toward the corner and following his gaze Lister spotted one of the skutters merrily tearing out wires from a console. "Smegging 'ell!" he cried, rushing forward to stop the crazed skutter from causing any more damage. Lister managed to restrain the malfunctioning domestic droid while the Doctor used his screwdriver to repair him.

"Good as new." The Doctor proclaimed after a couple of minutes. "Now, let's take a look at poor Holly, shall we?"

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I have absolutely no claim over either the Doctor or Red Dwarf, they belong to Aunty Beeb and Grant Naylor and whoever else actually owns them. I just continue to fiddle with them, but I'll give them back good as new when I'm done. This is done purely for love and fun_.

**Light Years III**

"There we go, good as new!" The Doctor exclaimed triumphantly, bouncing on his heels.

"Seriously?" Lister asked. "Wait a minute, how new?"

Holly's face appeared on the monitor. Holly's original, male face.

"Wotcha." Holly said amicably, "What's going on then?"

"Aw smeg. Hol," Lister said gently, "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Er…Everybody's dead Dave." Holly said looking quizzically at Lister.

"That's it? That was over five years ago Hol." Lister broke the news as gently as he could, adding softly, "Smeg." Holly looked puzzled and vanished from the screen. The Doctor looked crestfallen.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what went wrong."

"Nothing went wrong, you made him good as knew." Lister replied with a note of sadness. "Hol had computer senility, performed a head sex change on himself two years ago."

"So when I fixed her…I mean him, I must have rebooted his memory to before the senility kicked in and reset the imaging too. Whoops!" The Doctor said with an uncertain grin. Holly reappeared.

"My internal chronometer agrees with your assessment Dave, and we are twenty light years closer to Earth than my memory states. That would compute if we travelled at faster than light as I had planned, though only for 15.89 minutes."

"That sounds about right. I'll explain later, but right now we've got a bit of an emergency Hol. Are your sensors online again?"

"Hang on, let me check." And with that he vanished again.

"Do you want me to put him…her back again?" The Doctor asked. "Shouldn't take a jiffy now I know what went wrong."

"Thanks. Lets see how much better Holly is first." Lister said with a smile. He was remembering the regulation necrobics that 'Queeg' had forced on Rimmer and hoped the new improved Holly might do the same. That was if Holly hadn't invented the regs for his own amusement. Then Lister remembered the pea on toast. "On second thoughts, put her back the way she was please. After we've sorted this smegging mess though; as she was Holly was about as much use as paper condom."

"We should get back to the drive room, find out what we hit. Come on!" The Doctor said with a grin before pelting back to the lift. Lister followed, but at a much more sedate pace. He briefly contemplated letting Rimmer and the Cat know that the scanners were working and they could stop searching the ship. But he decided there was no rush.

Rimmer marched into the Drive Room and looked expectantly at Lister.

"Well? What did we hit? Was it more aliens?"

"It was an Estrophan." Holly replied. "A Space Rider."

"Really?" the Doctor said, bouncing on his heels, "I've always wanted to see one of those."

"Er, what's an Estrophan?" Rimmer asked, "An alien?"

"Rimmer, shut the smeg up about aliens. Just because you were right once. They're GELFs, from Earth." Lister snapped. Rimmer looked slightly crestfallen.

"They are marvellous creatures. Genetically-engineered by humans to devour all the waste you produce." The Doctor informed them, "They're like space-cows; they float through the void eating up all your garbage."

"They live on garbage?" asked Cat, "Man and I thought _you _were disgusting" he said to Lister.

"Lister should go talk to it. They'd get on like a house on fire. In fact it's probably a long lost relative." Rimmer sniped. Lister rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to Holly.

"Hol, how is the Space Rider? Did we hurt it all?" he asked.

"I'm afraid so Dave. My scanners show that Red Dwarf has left a deep gash along one side of the Estrophan and the scoop is hooked on its dorsal fin. If we try to move we'll probably tear it off." Holly replied.

"Sirs, if I may interject at this point, I believe that this is entirely our fault. The Estrophan has clearly been following Red Dwarf, living off the waste it has left in its wake. Now we've turned around, we collided straight into it. Might I suggest we take Starbug to survey the damage and to see what we can do to help?" Kryten said.

"A capital suggestion Kryten! Let's go people." Rimmer said and headed for the door. Only the Doctor followed, so Rimmer stopped, causing the Doctor to walk through him. Rimmer ignored it and looked at the others expectantly. "Well? Come on!"

"Come on guys." Lister sighed, before heading to the door, followed in short order by Cat and Kryten.

"Just once. That's all I'm asking, a bit of respect. Would it kill you?" Rimmer whined as they headed for the hangar bay.

Lister piloted the 'bug out of the hangar, and as they pulled away from Red Dwarf and headed up to the scoop, the massive bulk of the Estrophan came into view. Lister and the Doctor gazed in awe at the spectacular creature. It resembled a whale in form, but a whale that was the length of two aircraft carriers.

"How does it breathe in space?" Lister asked, more to himself than anyone else.

"That's pretty amazing actually; it creates its own atmospheric bubble from the gases produced as it digests its food." The Doctor said, positively beaming.

"Really?" Rimmer said, one eyebrow arched, "Lister does the same thing."

They could see clearly from this distance that the creature was badly injured and that it was caught firmly in the cage that surrounded the scoop. As Lister piloted Starbug closer, the Estrophan began to try and wriggle free, but it only succeeded in becoming further entangled.

"Back off Dave," the Doctor instructed, "it's afraid of us. We need to let it know we're here to help or it will only hurt itself further."

"Right!" Rimmer exclaimed, grateful for a chance to take charge, "Kryten, broadcast on all frequencies and in all known languages, including Welsh!"

"That won't work. Sound doesn't travel in space." The Doctor said.

"Of course, I knew that," Rimmer said, "so what do you suggest we do?"

"Any spacesuits on board?" the Doctor said with a grin. Kryten pointed to the cabinet in the aft section. "Excellent. Let's go for a stroll then, shall we?" the Doctor finished, clapping his hands together.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Light Years IV**

Lister and the Doctor stepped out of the airlock and pushed off in the direction of the Estrophan, a length of cable attached to each that tethered them to Red Dwarf. Kryten had stayed behind to monitor their oxygen levels and alert them to any problems. The Cat didn't want to don a spacesuit because he didn't want to be seen in the same outfit twice. Rimmer was just being a coward.

They landed on the surface of the creature close to its head, and the Doctor removed his helmet. "What are you doing!" yelled Lister.

"It's okay, we're within the atmospheric bubble of the Estrophan, it's the same as Earth's atmosphere, it's perfectly safe." The Doctor replied with a grin. Lister looked sceptical but, trusting the Doctor, he cautiously removed his helmet and breathed in.

"Smeggin' 'ell! It is just like Earth, it even smells like Earth."

"Ah, yes, that would be all the methane. Right, come on, let's go and have a chat with the old Space Rider shall we?" with that, the Doctor set off as quickly as he could in low gravity, Lister following behind.

Back on the Dwarf, Rimmer was supervising Cat and the Skutters in the repair of the ship. At least he would if he wasn't trying to quell a small mutiny. It had started with the Cat.

"Hey man, we've been through this before; I don't do the 'W' word, okay? Besides, I might get oil on my suit."

"But we have to repair the ship you stupid moggy. I can't do it, I can't touch anything. Kryten and Lister are busy so that only leaves you and the Skutters. And I wouldn't trust Pinky and Perky to repair a calculator, let alone the sophisticated circuitry of this ship." Rimmer whined. The Skutters took offence to this and turned the three claws on their heads in a very well-practiced two fingered salute before whirring off down the corridor. "Smegging great. Now look what you did you narcissistic, selfish, lazy coward!" Rimmer shouted at Cat.

"You just listed my best qualities bud!" Cat replied, preening, "Listen goalpost head, I'm not taking orders from a man whose clothes are drip dry. You know what I'm saying?" And with that, Cat gave Rimmer a snooty look and mooched off down the corridor.

"I never get the respect I deserve. Holly!" Rimmer snapped. Holly's face appeared on a nearby monitor, "Get the Skutters back here to make the repairs." Rimmer said before turning and stomping back to his quarters.

"You could try please." Holly muttered.

Lister watched as the Doctor laid his hands on the head of the Space Rider and communicated with it telepathically. The minutes ticked on and eventually Lister began to grow impatient.

"Well? What's it saying?" he asked the Doctor.

"Sorry, it hasn't actually finished a first sentence yet. When a creature is as big and as old as an Estrophan, it takes a long time to say or do anything." The Doctor replied.

"Like the Ents." Lister said.

"You've read Lord of the Rings?" the Doctor asked, a little surprised.

"There's a book? I love those movies." Lister replied happily. The Doctor chuckled before returning his attention to the creature beneath his feet.

"I've introduced us and calmed the Rider. I told her we mean no harm and that we want to help her. She says she is hurting, not just on her fin though," the Doctor paused a moment before turning to Lister, "She's dying."

"Smeg. Was it us? Was it something we did?" Lister asked, concerned.

"No, she's ill. It's really a simple cold, but with no humans to help her she's got worse. She needs to be treated or she'll die. And that will be the end of her species. She's the last Space Rider."

"The last? Isn't there something we can do?"

"Maybe. Yes! Yes, hang on a second," the Doctor turned his attention to the Space Rider again for a few minutes, "Right, I've told her what we're going to do, let's get back to the ship," he said, putting on his helmet. Lister followed suit.

"But what are we gonna do Doctor?" Lister asked.

"You'll see! Come on!" he replied and pushed off back toward the Dwarf.

With the Estrophan now being cooperative it became easy for Holly to manoeuvre the ship and release her without doing any more damage. The Doctor shut himself in the medical lab with all the supplies he could find and for twenty minutes all that could be heard in there was banging and crashing and bubbling sounds. He emerged triumphantly holding a small vial of green goo.

"You're going to cure it with washing up liquid?" Rimmer sneered.

"One injection of this, and she'll be right as rain. I just invented the cure for the common cold," the Doctor replied smugly.

"How do you intend to inject it sir? Its skin must be several feet thick." Kryten observed.

"Not a problem Kryten! I have something in the TARDIS that will do just the job." With that the Doctor disappeared down the corridor at a run. By the time the crew caught up with him, he was already emerging from his blue box, again holding something aloft triumphantly.

"A sink plunger?" Rimmer queried sceptically.

"Not quite. I acquired this from an old enemy, a souvenir I suppose. With a bit of modification it should deliver the dose quite nicely," the Doctor replied, ignoring the sarcasm and whipping out his Sonic Screwdriver.

Rimmer snorted. The awe and respect he had for the Doctor had vanished once he realised that he was rather in-alien and quite possibly bonkers.

"And what's that? A magic sex-toy?" he asked. The Doctor looked at him and then the Screwdriver.

"It's a Sonic Screwdriver. See, it's a screwdriver and it's sonic," he replied defensively, pushing a button so a little blue light glowed on the end. Then he began to make his alterations.

"He's crazy bud. I'm gonna find me some food." Cat said, before dancing off down the corridor singing "I'm gonna eat you little fishy."

"This is ridiculous. Come on Kryten, somebody has to finish the repairs to the ship, make sure that the Skutters haven't tried to blow us up again." Rimmer said and headed after the Cat. After a few steps he realised Kryten wasn't following, "Kryten! I order you to come with me in accordance with Space Corps Directive number 8650322 stroke E."

"8650322 stroke E? Well I hardly think now is the appropriate time for that sir, and besides we don't have the requisite number of gerbils on board." Kryten replied, in puzzled mode.

"Never mind! Come on!" Rimmer barked before stalking off down the corridor.

"Smeeeeee-heeeeeee." Kryten stammered before following.

The Doctor finished his alterations and affixed the new needle to a hypospray and loaded the vial into it.

"Right, back to Starbug." He said with a grin and bounded of down the corridor. Lister chased after him.

"Smeg, doesn't he ever stop? This is the most exercise I've had in years!" Lister said, puffing.

With the Estrophan no longer afraid of Starbug, Lister was able to land on the Space Rider's back. The Doctor got out and used his makeshift syringe. He then grabbed a pile of rope he had gathered from the stores and, using a harpoon he had found, he and Lister began to stitch closed the gigantic gash Red Dwarf had created. It took the pair of them three hours, taking it in turns to push the harpoon through the thick hide and throw it across the chasm of the wound to the other side, where the other would repeat the process. Eventually, exhausted, the pulled the stitches tight, drawing the wound closed.

The Doctor pressed his hand to the Estrophan once more as Lister ran the medi-scan over the massive creature.

"This isn't the most reliable instrument in the world Doctor, but I think your cure worked." Lister said with a smile.

"Yup, I knew it would. She says thank you." The Doctor said, returning the smile with a wider one.

They went back to Starbug and took off, heading back to the Dwarf. Before they reached the hangar, Lister turned the ship to look at the Estrophan once more.

"She's amazing." Lister murmured.

"That she is. You humans do get some things right." The Doctor said with a grin.

"She'll keep following us won't she? I mean, we're the only food source left to her. I'll watch over her. It's my responsibility." Lister said softly. The Doctor laid a reassuring arm on his shoulder.

Later that day, the Doctor found the Cat mooching about the cargo decks.

"Cat, I wanted to talk to you. Lister explained to me about your people, that you think you're the last one left?" the Doctor asked. Cat nodded.

"That's okay, I like being by myself. I'm too cool for everybody else."

"Well if that's the way you feel, you won't want to know about the cat nurses of New New York."

"Wha?!" screeched Cat. "Nurses? Females? As in soft and squidgy?" Cat said, practically pouncing on the Doctor.

"Yup, a whole colony of them, and not a male to be seen," the Doctor grinned. "You should reach them in a few years."

"All my life I've waited for the dozen or so females I could settle down with! A few years? How will I get ready in time! Wah!" Cat said and bolted toward his walk-in wardrobe. Lister stepped out from behind a pillar and he and the Doctor headed back toward the TARDIS.

"Do you think I should tell him they're nuns?" Lister asked.

"Nah. Why snatch his hope away?" the Doctor replied with a grin. As they entered the corridor where the TARDIS was parked, they saw Kryten and Rimmer. "Arnold! Just the hologram I was looking for! I wanted to tell you that there are plenty more aliens out there to be discovered. Whole galaxies full! And they don't all look human, oh no. Some of them are weee-ird."

Rimmer positively bounced at this information.

"I knew it!" he said and punched the air. Then he gave the Doctor another Rimmer salute, which the Doctor returned with due solemnity. Holly then appeared on a nearby monitor.

"The Estrophan is moving off." Holly reported.

"Holly! I nearly forgot," the Doctor said, pulling out his screwdriver and pointing it at the monitor. There was a brief flurry of static before Holly's female visage resumed its place on the screen. "How do you feel?" the Doctor asked.

"Much better ta. And all my sensors are working. Er, though I seem to be missing a day." Holly replied.

"Yeah, sorry Hol, it took a while to sort things out." Lister replied. "What's 245 times 657?" he asked. Holly looked thoughtful for a few moments.

"160968," She replied.

"Close enough," the Doctor replied with a smile. "It's 160965," he whispered conspiratorially to Lister, who nodded. "Well, it looks like my job here is done. Kryten, Arnold," he said, nodding to Rimmer and shaking Kryten's hand.

"Goodbye sir. There's an apposite old android saying…"

"Ah, is that the one that goes zero, zero, one, one, one, zero, one, one, one, one, zero, zero, one?" the Doctor said.

"Precisely sir." Kryten said and entered happy mode.

The Doctor turned and walked to the TARDIS door. Suddenly he turned back,

"You could come along Dave. This old thing travels in time too. We could go anywhere, and any when," he said.

"Thanks, but no. I get the feeling I'd do too much running with you around. Besides, sooner or later I'd have to come back here, go back to being the only human left." Lister said sadly. The Doctor regarded him for a moment before replying.

"Dave," the Doctor said, "one fantastic thing about you humans that never ceases to amaze me is that you're an incredibly resourceful lot. And the one thing you truly excel at is surviving. Who knows, maybe one day you'll get back to Earth and what you'll find might surprise you."

With that he grinned and disappeared into the TARDIS. A few seconds later the engines began with a _thworp thworp _noise that echoed in the corridor and the TARDIS faded from view.

**_The End_**


End file.
